“Here’s my heart Lord, speak what is true”
I have been wrestling with a ton of different aspects about my faith this semester. From the authority of scripture to what ministry looks like, I’ve done a ton of investigating, searching, and praying. I would think long and hard about one thing, and then ask various people whom I trusted about it, and then pretty soon I would be trying to figure out something else!
Throughout that whole process this semester I was doubting what to believe and was desperately searching for some answers to all of the world’s problems. What I discovered, however, is the ability to trust in God. Each new fit of uncertainty would end with finding God in scripture and experiencing for myself each of the issues I was trying to discern.
I was praying last night and I felt this overwhelming urge to “stay put” and to let go of it all. I was asking for all of these answers, and it seems like God was saying “just stop worrying”. I was reading through Acts 6 this morning, and I stumbled upon this passage talking about disciples who were trying to meet the demand of the growing church community when serving food.
“It is not right that we should neglect the word of God in order to wait on tables” (Acts 6:2) said the disciples, as they elect Stephen, Phillip, Prochorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmesan, and Nicolaus to the task.
This verse tugged at my heart, as I realized I was neglecting my personal relationship with God and ministry to try and figure out what the term “sexual immorality” meant and what sins were, etc. These kinds of questions are awesome for growing personal faith, however, I was putting the answers to these before God and thats where I realized I was hardening my heart towards Him.
I was so wrapped up in what the answers were to all these questions that I doubted God, and His authority, and relied on other people or different opinions to discern truth. When I was praying last night I felt as if I was finally able to cast off all of my worries and doubts and questions onto Him, and just say “here’s my heart, Lord”. I want it to always belong to Him.
Lord I trust you. Help me surrender to Your will and find joy in doing so.